Noticing the signs when you're becoming overwhelmed by your illness and what to do about it.

You're feeling stressed, every little thing is getting to you, if just one more person asks you to do something or questions what you're doing you're going to scream/lose it/cry....(fill in the blank.)

We've all been there and I know that when I was really poorly, during my bedbound years it took less to get me to this stage. Life was a battle, from fighting my illness, to battling with doctors and the "system" in general, meant I was always on the defensive, just waiting for the next attack, the next thing I had to protect myself from.

It was exhausting and emotional and I was, I'll admit it, snappy. I'd bite people's heads off i.e. my family. I had absolutely no patience and at times I felt like people were either a) stupid or b) deliberately trying to wind me up; but a lot of the time I was too stressed out to realise when I was over-reacting or being snappy. Does this sound familiar? How do you handle stress? Do you recognise the signs?

For a long time, deep down, I thought I was just an aggressive, not very nice person who was difficult to live with. That was a hard thing to cope with - I felt really bad about myself. Who'd want to be around someone so awful?

As I've got a bit better and life at home has become less stressful I've realised that I'm not an awful person. I do still snap sometimes; but I've realised it's when I'm stressed and feeling overwhelmed, especially true if I'm going through a relapse or handling some other scary thing - letter/form/appointment.

I've also realised that I can do things about it and my snapping is just a warning sign that I need to help myself. I can make things better, or at least reduce my stress level and feelings of overwhelm. If I can do it, you can to.

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Five tips to recognise you're overwhelmed

1. Start to be aware of what you're saying - this can be hard to do and difficult to admit to yourself. Don't judge yourself or beat yourself up when you realise, just notice and know that it's just a sign that you need to do something differently.

2. Are little things getting to you? Silly things like wanting to burst into tears if you knock over a drink. I've literally cried over spilled milk.

3. Is your health suffering? Are you getting more and/or worse symptoms? Can you trace it back to a specific event or time frame? What was going on for you? It's all about cause and effect.

4. Are you feeling physically tense? Shoulders aching, keep getting a stiff neck, headaches? Feel like you have a band of  tension around your chest? Tap in to these sensations, they can often make you aware of your emotions much faster than you can mentally make the connection you're feeling stressed.

5. Ask other people to tell you when you're getting stressed or snapping - okay this might be the hardest thing, because when you're in that stressed out place the last thing you want is for people to say you're being stroppy. It makes me even worse! This is a last resort and you may need a code word - we used to call my brother Kevin when he was being a stroppy teenager, after the Harry Enfield comedy character. It worked, he'd look a bit embarrassed; but cheer up!

Five tips on how to cope with the overwhelm

1. Write it down - it sounds like the silliest, easiest thing; but just transferring your thoughts and stress onto paper is hugely freeing. Don't edit yourself, don't analyse what you're saying or try to be nice and polite about people while you're writing. Just vent it all and leave it on the page. N.B. It's best not to let anyone see what you've written, unless you're showing it to a counsellor. This is your personal, private place to release everything. It doesn't make you a terrible person just because you have these thoughts.
2. If you're too ill to write then draw or scribble. Have some coloured pencils that you can go wild with. It doesn't have to be neat or pretty, it doesn't have to look like anything. Just drawing jagged lines on a page can ease that stressed out feeling.
3. Talk to someone - a friend, a family member, either in person, through a letter or online. Tell them how you're feeling and although they may not be able to change anything it does help to know you aren't alone. It's better if they are a neutral person and not part of the problem. If they are then you'll need tact and diplomacy, or even get in someone to help mediate.
4. Talk to a professional - there's still a stigma attached to seeing a professional therapist; but I can't recommend it enough. I reached my limit during my parent's divorce and had to find someone to talk to. Make sure you choose a therapist you feel relaxed with and can open up to. I'd personally suggest a psychotherapist (despite the name sounding like you're crazy). They have to do very indepth training and in my experience it shows in their approach.
5. Take a breath - both figuratively and literally. If things are getting on top of you, try to make some time to do something you find fun and relaxing. Give yourself a break and relax as much as possible. Try meditation, breathing techniques or just put on your favourite comedy, read a book or if you can, get outside into the fresh air for a little while. Take time for     you.

Most importantly remember you are not a horrible person. You're just going through a really tough time. Be kind to yourself.

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