That's right you don't have to have a nightmare every time you open your wardrobe and the reason? Soul Style! Two words I had never heard before my session today with the fabulous Eyenie (eh-jzeh-nee) Schultz from Technicolor Priestess. Eyenie does consultations via Skype - perfect since she's in France and I'm in the UK. I wasn't sure what to expect or how it would work; but it's been a secret dream to have a style session with an expert who could help me discover my own personal style and give me some hints and tips about where to even start with choosing my outfits. I was bubbling with excitement and a few butterflies as I sat in front of my laptop, close to my wardrobe so all my clothes were within easy reach. Eyenie instantly put me at my ease and then I couldn't wait to get started. I expected her to give me lots of do's and don'ts. Rules to live and dress by. I couldn't have been more wrong! It turns out that I've been the expert in my style all along, I just didn't realise it. Eyenie calls it Fashion Intuition - you choose a piece of clothing that feels good and you build an outfit around it. She makes it so easy and simple to do and helps you connect with how it is you want to look and feel like. We put together about six different outfits from clothes I already owned - none of which I would ever have paired together on my own; but all looked amazing and so stylish. It gave a whole new lease of life to my wardrobe - I thought I needed to buy more clothes for new looks, apparently I just need to mix and match what I already have. I'm really excited now to start putting together some new outfits. By the end of the session my self-esteem was through the roof, I felt so beautiful and confident. I never realised that the right outfit could bring out my personality and help me feel so amazing. It was a fantastic experience and something that will change the way I dress forever. The WI or Women's Institute has quite a reputation - jam, Jerusalem and middle aged ladies doing naked calendars; but there's much more to WIs than that. I joined two last year, one called the Golden Triangle Girls - a modern and new WI set up by young women my age and also a second WI near where I live. This one is much more traditional and has been running for over sixty years.
I love both the groups; but for very different reasons. I get different experiences at eachand enjoy socialising with both the older and younger WI members. Having been ill for all of my teens and twenties I missed out on the social groups and circle of friends I would have discovered through University and work. Now working from home writing my novel and doing my Live in Love in Laugh in work, I don't get to meet people, so joining a WI was the perfect way to get out and meet some new people. Most of my friends are either ill or live across the country or even the globe - great for chats online; but not so good for meeting up for a drink or a meal out. That was the biggest draw for joining the Golden Triangle Girls (GTG), finding a place where I could meet other young women who were also looking for friends. In this day and age it's easier to meet a man than it is to make friends - you just go online and do some internet dating; but where do you go to meet friends? Tthat's exactly what I love about being in the GTG, everybody is so friendly and welcoming. You talk to strangers and within a short time they're friends and you look forward to seeing them each month. I love being part of the GTG so much that I joined the committee, I knew I wanted to get involved and it's been fantastic, I've made some lovely friends and now have a full social calendar as a result - we've got Craft Club aka Grown Up Brownies, as well as the regular meetings and committee meetings. I always have something to look forward to. The local WI I joined with my Mum because we wanted something we could go out to together. It is exactly what you imagine a WI to be: singing Jerusalem, selling jam, cups of tea and more traditional speakers - tonight it was a Potter's wife, last month we learnt how to make the perfect scones. At the GTG we've had beauty therapists, vintage hair and make up and debates on feminism. I find both equally interesting and I think it's great to mix the modern and traditional. Many of the women in the local WI have been members since they were in their early twenties and it's really interesting talking to them and seeing how life has changed. I wonder what the WI has instore for me over the next few decades and how it will change with the times. I will certainly look forward to finding out. I would never, ever, have thought of myself as an introvert. They're painfully shy, right? Can't speak to anyone, are always sitting on their own, basically a wallflower. That is definitely not me! I like to talk to people, I have friends over, I've done courses and evening classes and I'm even happy to be interviewed on TV or the radio, I couldn't possibly be an introvert. That's what I thought; but recently I've been discovering that being an introvert is completely different to being shy. Things are making sense after years of not understanding why I feel the need to have a lot of time on my own. Why I enjoy my hours at night when everyone else is asleep and I can get down to doing some writing. Why I'm happier curled up reading a book than at a party, and how I'd prefer to chat to one or two people, or a small group at most, rather than try and follow the conversation of larger groups. If this sounds like you check out Leonie Dawson's blog post and Susan Cain's TED talk. They made me realise that all of those things are okay and instead of trying to force myself to be different I should embrace them more, view them as my Superpowers, the way my friend Leah Shapiro describes them. What about you@ What do you feel makes you different? Makes you stand out, or feel you need to change or hide it? A big thing for me is my ME, the limits that my energy levels impose on my life and the restrictions it brings, like still living at home, using a wheelchair to go shopping and having to sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon. They're all things I've felt ashamed of; but now I'm looking at ways to see them as strengths, looking for something special that I can do or bring to the world as a result of them. What about you? What can you do naturally, or are used to living with, that you could turn into a superpower? It's hard to stop trying to conform, to accept that it's okay to be who and how I am, right now, in this moment, with no need to change. I've spent my whole life trying to fit in (and feeling like I was failing or faking it). The relief of letting that go, of just breathing and being is huge. Imagine just relaxing and not trying to be anything other than yourself. Feels good doesn't it? Feels like a weight's been lifted off your chest, right? Imagine feeling like that all the time. That's my mission, to let myself be me, all the time and enjoy it. Want to join me? Image courtesy of Idea go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net I want to let you in on a little secret, well a big secret really; I have no idea what I'm doing, pretty much all of the time, whether it's to do with my business, my writing or my health. I'm making it up as I goI along and hoping it works out. I remember when I was a little girl that everyone else, especially adults, seemed to have all the answers; they knew exactly what you should be doing and how you should be doing it. I felt like I was living my life waiting for people to tell me what to do, what to say, how to act. Writing that sentence makes me feel exhausted! I truly believed, and in a way I'm realising I still do, that other people knew what was best for me and that I had to do what they told me. Obviously this is a hugely important thing when you're a child, listening to adults makes sure that you live to become one yourself; but I think somewhere along the way we need to learn that nobody has all the answers, in fact very few people have any of the answers. All they know is what worked for them, that doesn't mean it would, could or should work for you. I think we're all making things up as we go along; but we're bluffing, like everyone else, that we know exactly what we're doing. It seems like a huge crime to admit to the world that you don't know it all. Well guess what, I'm admitting it here, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know it all. Take my ME/CFS, I'm doing the best I can with it, pacing myself and doing what feels good, resting, taking time to sleep during the afternoon, drinking lots of water etc etc. Am I doing all the right things? Is there something I'm allergic to? Should I be taking more supplements? Resting more? Exploring my childhood to see if there's some emotional trigger I need to release? I have no idea! With Live in Love in Laugh in I'm listening to what other people say works and aiming to do my own version. I'm creating virtual events like my 1930's Vintage Party in your Pad and having fun making it an event I want to virtually go to; but is it the right way? Should I be doing more, less, something different? I have no idea! I'm meeting new friends, trying new things and hoping that I'm moving towards long held hopes and dreams. Am I doing it the way I should be? I have no idea! The thing I've realised is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what people think you should do, or what society thinks you should do, or even what you think you should do - you have to follow your heart and do what's right for you. What feels good, that makes you feel like you can breathe, like your heart is expanding and everything just feels better. That doesn't change the fact that I still have no idea what I'm doing, pretty much all the time. I haven't got a clue if it's going to work out the way I want it to, or if it's taking me off in a completely different direction. The important thing is that we all feel like this, or at least that's what I think; leave me a comment if you do know what you're doing, because I would love to know your secret! I think the world would be a much better place and we would all feel so much less pressure if we just acknowledged that none of us know what we're doing, that's just life. The fun part is just letting go and seeing what happens, trusting that everything will be okay, it will work out, and you just have to go with it. What do you think? I'd love to get your perspective on it. P.S. This post didn't feel finished, I felt like I needed to add some positive little conclusion and then I realised I was just trying to pretend I really do know what I'm doing. Mental head slap! Image courtesy of Jeroen van Oostrom / FreeDigitalPhotos.net No sadly it's not a calendar of giants, although that would be cool. This is a really large calendar, perfect if you have vision problems and struggle with the teensy weensy boxes on normal calendars. Or maybe you just have very busy days and need lots of space to keep notes. I know there are lots of crazy smart online calendars now; but personally I'm a paper and pen kind of girl. Not only do I not trust that it won't lose all my important dates (sadly not romantic ones); but I like being able to flick between months really easily and not faff around with silly tabs. They are a pet peeve! I thought these calendars (http://www.giantcalendar.co.uk/) were a great idea, so I had to share them with you. I like the idea of using them to plan my projects, I bet you could decorate them with all sorts of sparkly things! If you know of a great product that you think I'd love, let me know. I'm always on the lookout for something new and shiny. N.B. It doesn't have to actually be shiny! Ten years ago I was really poorly, I'd been bed bound for three years with ME/CFS and I was struggling. There was little information around for people who were so ill, half the medical profession didn't know you could get that ill with ME, the other half didn't believe it even existed. I was frustrated and isolated and I knew that I wanted to do something about it. I decided I'd put together a leaflet of tips for people with severe ME and gather up all the things that worked for me and others with the chronic illness. It was a slow process; I couldn't physically read or write, I was just too ill. I had to dictate everything to my Mum, who was brilliant. Gradually we put it all together, over a couple of years. It expanded as we realised how much information we had to share, from a leaflet, to a small booklet, to realising it needed to become a whole book! It was incredible watching it come together and know that it was going to help people, make a difference. Finally in 2004 it was printed by a charity I was working with and they sent it out for free, to all their severely affected members. I was so proud of it and delighted at the positive reaction it got. There had been a huge gap and I'd filled it with a practical guide to living with ME. I heard back from sufferers, from doctors and OTS, specialists who were using it with their patients. The book had gone further than I ever imagined it could! Things changed, life moved on and I gradually got a bit better, leaving a lot of it behind as I explored new challenges. Now though, it feels like the right time to go back and update the book one last time. To add to it all the knowledge I've gained since the first publication and to bring it into the world again. Not just for people with ME/CFS; but for anyone that's living with a chronic illness, because I've met more people and realised that a lot of the themes and information are relevant to all kinds of illnesses. It feels very strange and emotional to look back on it. To revisit what was my own personal hell. I'm on the other side and that helps; but it does bring all the horror back. It feels important to do this, not just for the new people I know it can help; but for me too. There's a lot that happened during that time that I suppressed, because I was just too weak to deal with it; but now feels the time to bring it out into the light, to see it for what it is and to release it once and for all. Surviving Severe ME changed lives and I know that the new version Thriving not Surviving, LIVING life with chronic illness, is going to do even more. Image courtesy of marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net I've been feeling suffocated over the past week, with frustration, doubt and insecurity. It's all felt a little too much. I take on big projects, have big ideas which I love; but sometimes progress can be slow. In fact there are times where I feel like I'm running on the spot, working hard, doing things; but not really getting anywhere. Do you ever feel like that? It's enough to make you want to scream. I've certainly been feeling ick about everything, wanting things to change; but not seeing how I possibly can change them. Today I decided to forget about all the "big" things and just concentrate on achieving a few small jobs that have been niggling at the back of my mind to do them. They were quick, relatively easy and once completed I felt/still feel like a superstar. I've got so much satisfaction over seeing something that I could start and finish in five minutes that it's lifted my mood completely. So if you're feeling stuck too, wanting to scream, shout or throw something then I really recommend finding something small you can achieve right now. It can be as small as sorting a pile of "stuff" that's annoying you, to replying to a letter or email, or putting that book or DVD back on the shelf. It might not change the world; but in a small way it will make yours feel much better. Try it and see. Let me know what you find helps when you're in overwhelm. What turns things around for you? Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Society seems obsessed with labels - young/old, single/married, straight/gay, rich/poor. It's as if we need to fit into specific boxes, so that we can be defined, so people know what to categorise us as. I know I'm guilty of this too, of the way I see myself and others. Last night I was reading a book that asked out right Who am I? I wrote the question on a blank piece of paper and stared at it for a long time. I just didn't know how to answer it. Obvious words came up: woman, adult, daughter, sister, business owner, disabled, single. None of them described me though; they were just roles that I play in other people's lives. They didn't satisfy me, they didn't make me feel anything, other than slightly restricted. I started a new line; maybe I could define myself more by what I love. This is what I wrote... "I love stories, telling them, reading them, listening, watching, imagining and writing them. I'm not sure if I got closer to Who am I? But I did realise what I love - it's sharing and stories. That's my passion in life, it's what I love the most and with that knowledge things feel just that little bit clearer. How would you answer the question Who am I? What do you love to do most? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Today I had a fabulous day, Mum and I went to House, a local cafe for breakfast. The food there is amazing, real tea, in tea pots with bone china cups and saucers. Pancakes the same size as the saucers and you get three of them! I had mine with blueberries and maple syrup; but only managed to eat one, which was delicious. Fortunately they put the rest in a takeaway box for me! We then went on to this amazing Orchid Festival. We've wanted to go for years; but have never been able to. It was in this small church hall; but it was full of these incredible orchids in so many different colours, shapes and sizes. If you thought the white and pink ones were all you could get, you couldn't be more wrong! There were orange ones, green ones, deep purple and brown ones. Some were like irises and others like snapdragons, big blooms, small delicate star shapes and the classic orchid flowers too. And the smell... it was the most beautiful, sweetish perfume ever. It was gorgeous! There was a man selling them, so we treated ourselves to this rather unusual specimen. We've already got a few and found that they're really easy to keep, we basically leave them alone and then they flower year after year. That's my kind of plant! I've been watching some amazing videos by Marie Forleo on business - it's my big goal for 2013 to get my business out into the world. Marie invited people to make a video for her about who we are and what we do. This is mine... If you want to get some business inspiration and motivation check out Marie at http://rhhbschool.com/ Her weekly videos are amazing and so helpful. She covers such a wde variety of topics to do with running your own business and they're fun! No dull monologues or preachy lectures.
I love that Marie puts her personality into everything she does. It's something I'm realising is not only okay; but also good to do. I always thought business should be starchy and professional, like a bank. I never thought you could actually do what you love, be yourself and be successful. That's what I'm doing now. It's harder than you would think to be yourself, to not filter yourself to be the way you think people want you to be; but I'm working on it! And having fun too! I have everything crossed for the scholarship because I would love to work with Marie, she's awesome! I know that her marketing expertise would change things forever for me and for Live in Love in Laugh in. As you can tell from my video, I passionately believe that I can make a difference, that there are millions of people in the world who would love and benefit from what I do, the virtual vacations, the holidays from home and the parties in your pad. My mission is to get them out there and into the right hands. With Marie's help I intend to do just that. |
Claire WadeI'm an author, disability activist, winner of the Good Housekeeping First Novel Competition and The EABA for Fiction 2020 and founder of Authors with Disabilities and Chronic Illnesses (ADCI). The Choice is available from:DETAILS:
Title: The Choice Publisher: Orion ISBN: 1409187748 You can keep up to date with all my latest blog posts by signing up to my email newsletter.
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